I am not particularly good at asking for help or reaching out for support and kindness. In truth, saying I am not particularly good at it is drastically understated. To paraphrase something I read from Brene Brown, I would rather die upon my white horse than ask for kindness and support (this is not the exact story, but I like the fit). To expose my vulnerability like that was beyond my capability; it was in opposition to the persona I created, the armour I wore.

I have always considered myself the one to give support, help and kindness. I had spent my life taking care of others and being there when needed (or at least where I perceived I was needed). Kindness (in whatever form you describe it) wasn’t something I needed; it was something I gave freely and passionately. When it came to myself, I just figured it out, whether it be how to do…or how to feel.

The problem is somewhere inside, and I was in desperate need of all of it, kindness, support, help, and the only way I came close was to give more and more until I was beyond my capacity. I would have an emotional crash, right the ship, and start the process all over again.

I don’t remember when I started to understand the cycle or when I figured out that we all need support and kindness in our lives. I do know that there is truth in the statement that we can’t give to others what we don’t first give to ourselves.

If you are like me, give yourself permission to ask for kindness and support and accept it with an open heart when it is offered. You will be amazed at how it will make you feel, how it will re-energize your emotional capacity and strengthen your ability to be there for others.

There is no shame in asking, and there is a ton of benefit in receiving. 

Asking for kindness is a way of being kind to yourself.